Home is Where the Heart is

Philippians 3:20 - For our Citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Imagine that you are a U.S. Citizen, but you have been called to study/work in another country. The prospect of this has you so excited, and you accept it willingly. You arrive in this country, and find it is very different than what you have known to be true in your life as a U.S. citizen. Your customs, your values, your truths are different than those that are around you. However, you continue on with your studies/work, whatever it may be. You try to connect with those around you, but you find it hard as they may not accept you for who you are and what your values are. Some just refuse to be associated with you. As time goes by, you find yourself longing for home, for the community you once had. Maybe you brought a photo album with you, or you begin to scroll through picture on your phone that involve home. Photos of your family, friends, and memories that remind you of who you are and where you came from. So while you still fill like you are different, and maybe even an outcast, this time in reflection of photos has restored you and encouraged you to keep going. It has reminded you of who you truly are. 

Have you ever felt different as a believer in Christ? Maybe even like an outcast as you did not do the same as those around you? I know I have. I remember feeling this way for most of my young adulthood life, especially in college. 

I came from a strong community of brothers and sisters in Christ during my high school years, as I attended a small private Christian school. I was fortunate enough to have God, His Word, and community surrounding me and being discussed daily. Then, I went to a LARGE secular school. I remember being so nervous (not typical for me), that I begged my parents to stay a couple of extra days after dropping me off so I could have that comfort of home. My freshman year, I had senior teammates that took me in and led a Bible study at their home. While I was strange and different than most of my peers at that age, I wore that with confidence. I knew I was different, and I was okay with that. I rested in my Father. Unfortunately, those seniors graduated and the true test began. 

1 Peter 2:11 says, "Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul." Man can I relate to this verse tenfold! While I continued to have community in college, I was more immersed in the world. I continued to go a different way than the world said I should; but with each passing moment, I began to move from a confidence in being a stranger, to encountering pain and longing to be "a part of the group." I found myself feeling like an outcast, and it hurt. Just as the citizen in the first example began to hurt living in a foreign country, longing for a piece of home, I remember crying in my coach's office due to the pain of feeling like I did not belong.  As time passed, and I was plagued with health issues and road blocks in my athletic career... my eyes, my mind, and my heart began to take their eyes off of God, and really see the enticement of the world. I watched those around me achieve my heart's desire, and do so in a "free" manner. While I continued to go to Church, I know my time in the Word decreased. I took my eyes off of the one thing that reminded me of who I truly am, Who my Father is, and what His plan is for me. I took my eyes off of the Word, my photo album to remind me of what my home really is like, and that it is worth waiting for.

So the war against my soul began. I thought that my so called obedience would amount in prosperity of my goals one day. My desires of my flesh heart. I thought that God would see me, and reward me with my dream of Olympics one day. I firmly planted this belief in my heart and mind. When I read of prosperity in the Bible, I interpreted it as a temporal prosperity, not that of returning to my true home in Heaven where prosperity lays in abundance with God. The seed of comparing to the world was planted and it began to sink my identity. Just as Peter sank when he took his eyes off of Jesus while walking on water, I too struggled to keep my eyes on Jesus, when the desires of my flesh heart were not being met. I began to question the worth of being a citizen of Heaven. I tried to find my purpose, meaning, and identity as an elite athlete reaching the pinnacle of their sport. The more I placed my mind and eyes on the world's definitions of who I should be, and what I should do, the more that war just raged on. I was never satisfied. 

Praise God in all his faithfulness to me, that he brought my eyes, my mind, my very being back to Him. He continues to show me who I truly am. I am a daughter of God, his princess, a heir to his kingdom. My home, my true home, is with Him. I am a citizen of Heaven, so yes, I will be an outcast in this world. I have found that I would rather live in complete dependence on God, as that is where I find purpose and meaning that does not compare to anything in this world. He fulfills me. I am like the U.S. citizen that is not living in their home. Just like they had all those photos to look at to remind them of who they are, where they come from, and encourage their steps to continue to live in that truth. I (we) have the Bible as our album, our love letter from God, telling us who we are, where we come from, Who He is, and what His plan is to redeem us. My identity is in Him, my purpose is in Him, my meaning is Him. Resting in this truth, surrendering all that my flesh was trained to do and feel over the years has been the best journey. It can be hard, but I can finally rest in being a stranger. I find joy in being a stranger, as the true "freedom" comes by letting God direct everything in our lives. He establishes our steps and delights in them (Psalm 37:23).